Raising Humans Without a Manual

At a recent gathering with friends, a first-time mom of a six-month-old remarked that parenting should be part of our school curriculum. It is such an important part of our lives, yet we enter it with so little knowledge. Indeed, we know remarkably little about raising decent humans. 

That comment stayed with me—not because it offered a solution, but because it revealed how unprepared many of us feel for one of the most consequential roles we will ever play. Perhaps it’s impossible to design a one-size-fits-all curriculum. Perhaps it is even necessary for parents to come unprepared for the preservation of human-ness. In any case, many of us—millennial parents—feel overwhelmed as we begin this journey. We feel an urge to impose structure on every life challenge we encounter. The real challenge lies in striking the right balance between a conscious, informed approach and being so prescriptive that we lose spontaneity altogether.

As a researcher and manager at a large corporation, I follow a simple philosophy at work: get the foundations right. Whether I’m tackling a research question or making a strategic decision for the organization I lead, I try to avoid analysis paralysis by building strategies on a few simple, sound pillars. I’ve found this approach to serve me well in both my professional and personal life.

For example, my hiring strategy for junior talent rests on two pillars: intelligence and attitude. An intellectually curious person with a strong work ethic will be a great hire, largely independent of the specific job profile. I don’t obsess over pedigree, extreme specificity of skills, or interview formats. If the foundations are right, everything else tends to fall into place. These pillars can also be thought of as what must not go wrong. Flimsy foundations introduce unnecessary complexity into decision-making and almost always lead to suboptimal outcomes. 

Over time, I’ve come to believe that most complex problems are less about finding perfect answers and more about avoiding fundamental mistakes. When foundations are sound, decisions become simpler. When they aren’t, no amount of optimization helps. Lately, I’ve been wondering if parenting deserves the same kind of thinking.

One challenge many parents face is learning to be present without losing oneself. Self-preservation is paramount—and often hardest to achieve for mothers who want to give everything they have. The emotional, social, and physical burden of early parenthood is enormous, and when it isn’t managed well, it affects the entire family. We often speak about gentle parenting, but rarely about being gentle with ourselves as parents.

At this stage, I find myself returning to three foundational pillars—physical health, mental health, and cognitive health. Not as a checklist, but as a starting point. None exists in isolation, and none can be outsourced entirely. 

The world has changed dramatically over the past thirty years. An abundance of information and intelligence now sits at the center of both our solutions and our problems. The ways we learned, worked, and grew are no longer sufficient on their own.

I write to make sense of this uncertainty—about parenting, technology, work, and what it means to raise, and remain, human in changing times. This space is an attempt to think slowly, intentionally, and imperfectly about what truly matters.